and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
