ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
