I think my fart just growled at me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
