see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
