we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
