i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The air was thick with penises
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
