I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
