and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
