Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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