she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
