she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
