just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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