Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
