Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
