my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
