i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
where does the pee come out of this thing
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
