i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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