I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
