It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
