If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
