I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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