I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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