your thong is hanging out like whoa
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
