Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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