can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He has the fingertips of a God
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
