Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
