i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
