I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
