Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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