whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
