I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
