I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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