remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my poor anus
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
