I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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