I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
