im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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