Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
