it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
