The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
