So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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