we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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