All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
