The maid of honor just puked.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
