She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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