Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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