i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How naked do you want me to be?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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