Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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