hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
