One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
