so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
