Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
