i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
