how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
