All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
