Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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